Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
A Catholic Life Coach Perspective on Growth, Grace, and Holy Courage
A friend recently used a phrase describing faith and transformation that really resonated with me. He was talking about life as a boyfriend, husband and father—dating, then marriage, then becoming a father. Each one of those life phases is a kind of dying to self. And I don’t know about you, but dying to self has never been the most comfortable thing I’ve experienced. I think that’s precisely the point, but it’s not something we chase after!
We can experience this kind of discomfort in every aspect of life. Weeks after hearing that phrase, the words kept stirring in me. I couldn’t help but think it would make great blog post. And I wondered: How do I relate it to my own life? The truth is, I could think of so many ways, because it’s been true in many seasons of my life, and continues to be. As Christians, we know this truth well. It’s part of our battle cry, and it’s scriptural: “He must increase; I must decrease.” (John 3:30).
A Personal Season of Holy Discomfort
My husband and I are right in the thick of one of these seasons now. Twenty years ago, we moved from Florida to Ohio, leaving behind family, friends, and everything familiar and comfortable. It was painful, to say the least! But eventually we embraced the discomfort and made it our own. In time, we adjusted and found our way around a new uncomfortable. We raised our six children in a beautiful country home. But now, with our last chickadee preparing to test her wings in college, we found ourselves at another crossroads.
We began pondering what the next chapter could look like: less stuff, less maintenance, fewer expenses, fewer worries, and less attachment to things.
At the time, we didn’t describe it this way (wouldn’t it be nice if God showed us the playbook once in a while?), but what we were really longing for was detachment. Detachment from the things that bog us down. Detachment from what keeps us from growing in important areas. Namely, our marriage, our family, and our relationship with God.
And there’s the parallel again. Detachment usually means discomfort.
Now six months into this new chapter, life feels different, lighter, fresher, freer. But don’t get me wrong. The sting of change and detachment is still lingering. There are uncertainties and unknowns ahead, and no guarantees.
Except, of course, what St. Paul reminds:
“Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1).
Another invitation to become comfortable with the uncomfortable.
But let’s be honest. We do love comfort, don’t we?
And this world is full of pleasures designed to make us very comfortable, and even more dangerous, it tries to convince us we deserve it.
We like predictable routines, quick answers, emotional ease, instant gratification, and feeling competent and in control. This feels warm and cozy.
But isn’t that mostly a false sense of security? Don’t misunderstand me—I’m no masochist, nor do I recommend unnecessary suffering. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the good things in life. God has given us gifts and talents, and made this world and all created things for us to use and enjoy.
But it’s worth asking the hard question:
What if comfort, while pleasant, isn’t where transformation happens?
Growth Usually Feels Uncomfortable
As a Catholic life coach and spiritual companion, I walk with people who deeply desire growth in their faith, relationships, vocation, career, health, mission, and purpose. Yet many feel stuck because growth usually requires hard work.
Sometimes it looks like having the difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Sometimes it means setting a boundary that should have been set long ago. Sometimes it’s building a new habit, setting attainable goals, reframing your perspective, shifting a mindset, waiting patiently in uncertainty, or trusting God without seeing the whole plan.
The truth is this:
If we want the life God is calling us into, we have to learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Jesus Never Promised a Comfortable Life
Modern culture often tells us to avoid pain at all costs. Avoid confrontation. Avoid inconvenience, especially voluntary sacrifice.
But the Gospel paints a completely different picture.
Jesus never said, “Take up your blankie and follow Me” (permission to laugh out loud).
He said: “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23).
That doesn’t mean God wants us miserable. It means He knows that love requires sacrifice, healing requires honesty, holiness requires trust, and freedom requires surrender.
As far as I can tell, the Christian life is not centered on comfort. It’s centered on communion with Christ. And as we grow in that relationship, He often leads us straight through those uncomfortable places.
Why Do We Resist Discomfort?
Well... because it hurts, Barb.
Yes. It does. Said every Saint ever.
Discomfort often triggers deeper fears. We wonder what if we fail, what if people reject us, what if we’re not enough, what if things don’t work out, or what if God asks more than we can give.
These are common human fears, but they don’t make you weak. Fear can become the driver for making decisions and finally taking action.
Avoiding discomfort may feel right in the moment, but it can also block growth and freedom.
Holy Discomfort: A Sign of Growth
Here’s what St. Paul discovered: “Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9). Preach, Paul.
Think about the discomfort involved in beginning a consistent prayer life, forgiving someone who hurt you, confessing long-held sin, setting boundaries in unhealthy relationships, changing unhealthy habits, pursuing a vocation that stretches you, trusting God in uncertainty, speaking truth with charity, or waiting patiently when you want immediate answers.
None of these are easy. But many of these moments are exactly where grace becomes active.
Spiritual maturity often hurts long before it feels peaceful. The saints knew this well. They faced rejection, confusion, sacrifice, delay, persecution, temptation, dryness, and uncertainty. Yet they kept saying yes to God. They teach us that courage isn’t the absence of discomfort or fear. Courage is faithfulness in the midst of it.
Five Ways to Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable:
Stop interpreting discomfort as a warning sign. Not every uncomfortable feeling means something is wrong. Sometimes it means you’re growing, healing, being stretched, speaking truth, or trusting God beyond your feelings.
Bring it to prayer instead of escaping it. When discomfort shows up our instinct is often distraction. We scroll, overthink, procrastinate, and numb. Instead, pause and pray: Lord, what are You showing me in this?
Practice small acts of courage. Courage doesn’t have to be dramatic. Growth usually happens in ordinary ways: sending the email (or writing the blog), making the appointment, starting the task, apologizing sincerely, saying no when needed, showing up consistently, and praying when you feel dry. These little acts train the soul and build up virtue.
Detach from immediate feelings. Many people assume peace means feeling good. Said no Saint ever! Authentic peace runs deeper than warm emotions. Peace comes when we’re aligned with God’s will, even when we feel unsettled. You may feel anxious and still make the right decision. You may feel overextended and still be at peace.
Remember that resurrection comes after the cross. Our Catholic faith never ignores suffering, but we know suffering isn’t the end of the story. When God permits unease or pain, He’s not abandoning you. He’s preparing you. There’s a resurrection hidden inside the cross you’re carrying, and it may take time to reveal itself. Be patient.
A Coach’s Encouragement
If life feels uncomfortable right now, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re off track. Sometimes discomfort means you’re finally moving. Maybe God is loosening your attachment to something. Maybe He’s strengthening your character and developing virtue. Maybe He’s teaching you endurance. Maybe He’s opening a door that comfort would have kept closed. Don’t run from every uncomfortable season. It may just be the sacred space He’s calling you into right now.
Prayer
Lord Jesus, give me the courage to stop chasing comfort more than I chase You. Help me trust You in uncertainty, show me how to grow within my challenges and failures, and remain faithful to You in difficult seasons. Teach me to recognize discomfort as a source of grace. Strengthen my heart to follow where You lead. Amen.
Final Thought
“The world offers you comfort. But you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” — Pope Benedict XVI
