The Slippery Slope of the Tongue

I was recently in conversation with a couple of friends, women I admire greatly and consider solid, faith-filled Catholics. As can happen in any casual conversation, a particular person came up. This person has displayed some peculiar behavior for some time, but lately, that behavior has begun hitting a little closer to home for us.

Almost immediately, I felt something in my gut telling me to tread lightly. You know that feeling. Something in me recognized how easily an ordinary conversation could begin sliding down a slippery slope into something spiritually dangerous.

I offered a few words in the person’s defense, but they were quickly dismissed. A few more comments were made, the subject changed, and that was seemingly the end of it.

Except it wasn’t the end of it for me. That feeling in my gut, the sting of my conscience, remained.

I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. Had I sinned? Had I simply found myself in the near occasion of sin? Had I somehow participated in another’s sin by listening? Should I have said more?

Sins of the tongue can be sneaky like that. They can feel vague and difficult to identify, especially when we’re in the company of other faithful Catholics. We’re not sitting around intentionally plotting the destruction of someone’s reputation. We’re just…talking. Right?

Yet this familiar conversation, involving the same person, repeated itself a few more times over the course of a few weeks. I wasn’t necessarily saying anything derogatory myself, but I was within earshot. And I started wondering: Was I complicit by remaining silent? Should I have defended this person more strongly? Should I have said something as simple as, “Maybe it would be prudent to drop this topic”?

And then there’s the uncomfortable part: saying something like that would earn me a few angry stares. It might make things awkward. It might even affect a friendship. What was I supposed to do?

The answer was—I wasn’t entirely sure. So, I took it to prayer.

I asked the Lord for guidance, for clarity, and to show me whether there was something concrete I needed to bring to Confession. Avoiding these kinds of conversations entirely can be challenging, especially in the places and among the people I regularly encounter.

So, the question was: How do I recognize the slippery slope before I find myself sliding down it?

My conscience eventually took me back to school: Catechism class, that is.

I literally pulled out the Catechism of the Catholic Church and started digging into a category of sin that many of us may gloss over: sins against another person’s reputation.

Some of you may already be thinking of Fr. Gregory Pine, O.P.’s book, Training the Tongue and Growing Beyond Sins of Speech. I haven’t read it yet, but I think it has officially made my winter reading list. Fr. Pine’s book considers our speech not merely in terms of avoiding gossip, lying, flattery, and other sins, but in terms of developing verbal virtue and recovering speech as a means of communion with God and one another.¹

And perhaps that’s the bigger lesson here. I’m by no means perfect in my speech. I fall plenty.

But I have learned that a life of prayer and discernment makes the heart more sensitive to the quieter, more elusive ways sin enters the scene. As we grow in prayer, particularly in silence and contemplation, we begin to recognize the “smell” of sin, so to speak. Something in us notices when things are moving away from charity, even before we can articulate exactly why. That sensitivity of conscience is worth cultivating.

Most of us will encounter far more little opportunities to practice virtue each day than great ones. And the words we speak, or choose not to speak, give us countless opportunities to practice not only virtue, but sometimes heroic virtue.

Interestingly, research suggests we are speaking fewer words than we used to.

A study of more than 2,000 participants found that the average number of words spoken per day has fallen from approximately 16,600 in 2005 to fewer than 12,000 by 2019. People are speaking roughly 300 fewer words per day each year. ²

That should make us (me) even more attentive to the ones we choose to use. It brings to mind the old childhood reproach to “wash your mouth out with soap.” But the words that most need cleaning up aren’t necessarily profane. Sometimes they sound respectable. They might even be true. And yet they may still be detracting, calumnious, or rooted in rash judgment.

So, back to Catechism class. And if you never learned this in Catechism class, no worries. The present moment is always a good one. And if, like me, you need a refresher, dig in!

Rash Judgment, Detraction, and Calumny

The Catechism of the Catholic Church gives us three important differences (CCC 2477):³

• Rash judgment assumes another person is morally at fault without sufficient evidence.

• Detraction reveals another person’s real faults or failings without an tangibly valid reason.

• Calumny goes further, saying something untrue that harms another person’s reputation.

Here’s the one that stopped me:

“But it’s true” doesn’t necessarily make it ours to tell. That’s what makes detraction so easy to overlook. Calumny deals in falsehood; detraction can deal in truth, a truth we have no good reason to share. And rash judgment may be where the slippery slope begins. Before anything leaves our mouths, we’ve assigned motives, interpreted behavior, and filled in the blanks. Yet the Catechism asks us to do the opposite: to interpret our neighbor’s thoughts, words, and actions favorably whenever possible (CCC 2478).⁴

I assume the worst → I form a judgment → I repeat it → I damage a reputation.

There’s the slippery slope, and it begins not with the tongue, but with the heart.

“But It’s True…” Our neighbor’s reputation matters. So perhaps the question isn’t simply, “Is what I’m saying true?” but, Is it mine to say? Does this person need to know? Why am I saying it? Am I seeking necessary counsel, or gossiping under the guise of concern? Would I say it if the person were standing here?

Of course, this isn’t a call to remain silent whenever someone’s behavior legitimately concerns us. There are times when seeking counsel, protecting someone from harm, or speaking to someone who has a legitimate reason to know is entirely appropriate.

How to discern:

Why am I speaking? Who needs to hear this? What good am I seeking? Am I speaking from charity, or from curiosity, frustration, resentment, or the desire to be included?

Maybe holiness is tested in these ordinary moments when we feel the conversation beginning to slide and choose not to go with it. Sometimes heroic virtue looks remarkably unimpressive. It may simply mean saying, “I don’t think we need to go there,” changing the subject, offering someone the benefit of the doubt, or keeping that cutting remark from ever leaving our lips.

It might even mean enduring the awkward silence, or the angry stare that follows. Because the slippery slope of the tongue begins long before we open our mouths. It begins with how we choose to see our neighbor. And maybe one of the best ways to train the tongue is first to train the heart to look at our neighbors with tenderness and love.

Notes & Sources

1. Pine, Gregory, O.P. Training the Tongue and Growing Beyond Sins of Speech. Emmaus Road Publishing, 2026.

2. University of Arizona. “Are We Talking Less? A Q&A with Psychologist Matthias Mehl.” 2026.

3. Catholic Church. Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2477. “Offenses Against Truth.” Vatican website.

4. Catholic Church. Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2478. “Offenses Against Truth.” Vatican website.